I like to think it a success when the cops are called
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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