that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The uberlube is also flammable
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
