I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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