im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
