This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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