everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
