Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
