real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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