All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
