I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
