Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
