i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
