remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
