You can't special order awesome
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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