He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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