i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
