The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
