Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
