btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
