Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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