i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize