I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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