Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
