I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
