I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
