I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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