Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
