No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
