Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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