Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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