ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
