but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
