As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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