I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She's like a pop up book from hell.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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