By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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