Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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