I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
