obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
