You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
