mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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