Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
