I'm eating all of the evidence.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
When are your genitals available?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
