watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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