you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
