Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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