Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
