I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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