forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
