Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
