im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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